you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Two words: blizzard sex
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
