He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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