why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
