so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
