you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
