Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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