you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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