You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize