Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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