It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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