Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize