did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I lost the right to judge tonight
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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