you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
