I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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