Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Randomize
