R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
