There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
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