He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
