did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
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