that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I just blew my weed a kiss
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
