I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
