Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
