I think I am morally bankrupt
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
