Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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