So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
