my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
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