i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
