I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
