im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
