Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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