come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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