I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Randomize
