I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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