I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
