I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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