I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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