My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Randomize
