Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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