I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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