whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
