You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
