I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
