Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
