My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
