So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
