I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
