It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
