I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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