but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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