My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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