The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
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