I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
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They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
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does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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