Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
did i just pee glitter
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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