This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
This is the high leading the old right now
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
