i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
