you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
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