Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize