So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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