So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
