i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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