If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Nobody cheats on THIS.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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