so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
