This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
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You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
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he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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