guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
