I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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