im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
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