I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
