I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
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