You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
